Funny Pics / Funny Stories

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Sam 13 Juil - 10:57

Hi everyone,

> Funny Pic / Funny Pic
Not a picture but a thought by my friend Cathy:
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get. (But you can be pretty damn sure it's not gonna be the one you want. In my case, it's more than likely going to be that obscure flavor you don't like.) The trick is to forget about the damn chocolates and aim for the cookies instead. (They're on the dark side, in case you didn't know.)
And on that note, imma go lay down with a book.
Comments from friends of hers:
Chris To hell with those creamy strawberry filled ones.
Christie Or you could read the chocolate map that comes with the chocolates...
Sari I always get the ones with nuts. I'm allergic to nuts.
Cathy again, after 4 hours:
meh. Too tired to do anything, but apparently not tired enough to be able to sleep.
Wink

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Lun 15 Juil - 15:41

Thanks Matt!

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  MurielB le Mar 16 Juil - 9:15

gerardM a écrit:Hi everyone,

> Funny Pic / Funny Pic
Not a picture but a thought by my friend Cathy:
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get. (But you can be pretty damn sure it's not gonna be the one you want. In my case, it's more than likely going to be that obscure flavor you don't like.) The trick is to forget about the damn chocolates and aim for the cookies instead. (They're on the dark side, in case you didn't know.)
And on that note, imma go lay down with a book.
Comments from friends of hers:
Chris To hell with those creamy strawberry filled ones.
Christie Or you could read the chocolate map that comes with the chocolates...
Sari I always get the ones with nuts. I'm allergic to nuts.
Cathy again, after 4 hours:
meh. Too tired to do anything, but apparently not tired enough to be able to sleep.
Wink
Hi Gérard,  everyone !
When I am offered a chocolate, I like to turn the box to get the chocolate I want ! Wink

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Mar 16 Juil - 11:41

Hi Muriel,

Looks you love chockies!

> When I am offered a chocolate, I like to turn the box to get the chocolate I want !
Reading the beginning of your sentence, I thought you were goind to say "When I am offered a chocolate, I like to eat the entire box" Smile

A piece of advice: when you are about to eat chocolate, keep an English dictionary close and ask whether you may take the bar... people will probably agree. Know that a "bar" in English is the whole "(Fr) tablette".

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  MurielB le Mar 16 Juil - 21:57

I agree I am a chocolate addict

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Lun 29 Juil - 9:30



Il est bon de retenir cette adresse que me souffle Christian : RottenECards

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Mer 7 Aoû - 12:01



Thanks Christian!!

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  MurielB le Mer 7 Aoû - 15:00

Hi Gérard, everyone
It could be the other way round, the man with the new security belt and the woman driving....Anyway....Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Mer 7 Aoû - 16:42

Hi Muriel,

A driving lady, that's fine but who would take the mouth part? Is Patrick that talkative?

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Mer 7 Aoû - 17:08


(click to enlarge)

Good luck!
Have fun. Enjoy music!

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  MurielB le Ven 9 Aoû - 9:54

gerardM a écrit:Hi Muriel,

A driving lady, that's fine but who would take the mouth part? Is Patrick that talkative?
Hi Gérard !
Patrick is not talkative when I am driving....He is scared affraid 

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  MurielB le Ven 9 Aoû - 9:57

gerardM a écrit:

(click to enlarge)

Good luck!
Have fun. Enjoy music!
My brother is playing the organ...Is there a way to choose a good organist ?


Dernière édition par MurielB le Mar 11 Sep - 17:48, édité 1 fois

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  MurielB le Jeu 22 Aoû - 8:11

Hi Gérard, everyone !
do you know the female version ?
  Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?" The guy said "No" and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, stayed skinny, and was never farted on. The End:lol:

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Jeu 22 Aoû - 15:52

Hi Muriel,

> farted
Are you sure regarding this verb?

I didn't know Patrick had so many faults Smile

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  MurielB le Ven 23 Aoû - 23:28

sorry Gérard for that word but I copied the shortest fairy tale story female version from internet....

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Ven 23 Aoû - 23:46

Okay Fine Muriel.

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Dim 25 Aoû - 0:57

Not really funny... but good to read.


(click pic to enlarge)

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Dim 25 Aoû - 9:19

Hi everyone,

This was published today on Facebook by Eugene Kaspersky.
Eugene Kaspersky
Speedometer, accelerator, fuel gauge & much more in your car are controlled by small computers called electrical control units (ECUs). Nearly all of these ECUs are networked together on the controller area network (CAN) bus. And hacking them is a matter of when, not if: http://blog.kaspersky.com/car-hacking/

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Dim 1 Sep - 15:12


(click pic to access topic)

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Dim 1 Sep - 15:15

By DogHouseDiaries

(click pic to enlarge)
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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  MurielB le Lun 2 Sep - 22:12

Excellent idea ! :-) Asians are very good at repairing phones

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Lun 2 Sep - 22:13

... and at eating rice.

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  MurielB le Jeu 5 Sep - 9:01

Hi Gérard
I like "Do be do be do" and I am sure that "Thought" and "Action" are the same.

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Lun 9 Sep - 19:45



THINGS YOUR MOTHER SHOULD OF TOLD YOU
1. Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
2. Use a meat baster to “squeeze” your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you’ll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time....
3. To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
4. To prevent eggshells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard-boiling.
5. Run your hands under cold water before pressing Rice Krispies treats in the pan and the marshmallow won’t stick to your fingers.
6. To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.
7. To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on the stovetop.
8. Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato-based sauces and there won’t be any stains.
9. When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on outside of the cake.
10. If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant “fix me up.”
11. Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
13. Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to soften it.
14. When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn’s natural sweetness.
15. To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a pan of cool, salted water. If it sinks, it is fresh, but if it rises to the surface, throw it away.
16. Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
17. Don’t throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
18. If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
19. Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water.
20. To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area and you will experience instant relief.
21. Ants, ants, ants everywhere … Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march. See for yourself.
22. Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer. Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china. Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets. Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes. Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary). Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka-Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, then run the hot water.

♥✿´¯`*•.¸¸✿♥✿´¯`*•.¸¸✿♥✿´¯`*•.¸¸✿♥✿´¯`*•.¸¸✿♥✿´¯`*•.¸¸✿
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> THINGS YOUR MOTHER SHOULD OF TOLD YOU
Of course it should be: "THINGS YOUR MOTHER SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU"

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Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

Message  gerardM le Mer 11 Sep - 17:38



SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.
WANDA: Hi! Sylvia.
How'd you die?
SYLVIA: I froze to death.
WANDA: How horrible!
SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?
WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
SYLVIA: So, what happened?
WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -- we'd both still be alive.

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