Dawn French Fan Club 2

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Message  gerardM le Ven 18 Sep - 19:49

Hi everyone,

I open this new thread "Dawn French Fan Club"
because I often pick up the postings of this organization
from their Facabook page;
in addition, I find them very funny:
I do like them.
(I re-published in "Funny Pics / Funny Stories").
Time for them to have their own dedicated thread here.

Dawn French is well known in Australia (and prolly in other English speaking countries) for both her funny stories and the links to cooking recipes (re-published).


Thanks to "Dawn French Fan Club"!

Facebook's page is -> https://www.facebook.com/Dawnfrenchfan?fref=nf


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Message  gerardM le Ven 18 Sep - 19:50

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar waiting to catch any drunk drivers.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his.
Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

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Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  MurielB le Ven 18 Sep - 21:38

sometimer=>good made-up word !

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Message  gerardM le Sam 19 Sep - 15:12

A woman goes to her priest with a problem: "Father," she told him, "I have two female parrots rescued from a house of ill-repute. But the only thing they ever say is: 'Wanna have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" exclaims the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your parrots over to my house, and I will put them in with two male parrots whom I have taught to pray every day. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase."
The next day the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage.
The two female parrots were put in the cage with them. The females immediately began their routine: "Hi, wanna have some some fun?"
One male parrot looked at the other male parrot and said: "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered."

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Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  gerardM le Mar 22 Sep - 12:01

The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman’s poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, “Ma’am, may I have that seat?”
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular “Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.”
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under the yapping dog.
“Please, ma’am. May I sit down? I’m very tired.”
She snorted, “Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!”
This time the Marine didn’t say a word; he just picked up the yapping dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, “Someone must defend my honor! This American should be put in his place!”
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, ‘Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, it appears you have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  gerardM le Jeu 24 Sep - 15:20

A young blonde woman goes to an office for a job interview.
The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 3 seconds before replying "Ehh... 25!".
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot three!"
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?"
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Stephanie".
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?"
"Ohh that!" replies the blonde, "That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...'"

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  gerardM le Ven 25 Sep - 14:46

A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a tiger in the front seat. "What are you doing with that tiger?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo."
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the tiger again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses.
The policeman pulls him over. "I thought you were going to take that tiger to the zoo!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  MurielB le Ven 25 Sep - 22:22

When you try to wear your angel wings don't forget that
Dawn French Fan Club 2 31525_20131128_130712_feelings05

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France Merci de me faire part des grosses fautes dans mes messages en langue étrangère. Grâce à vos remarques, je pourrai m'améliorer  :-) 
Merci pour votre réponse. Connectez vous (cliquez sur "connexion" et insérez "mot de passe" et "nom d’utilisateur") puis cliquez sur “répondre “ Pour avoir vos identifiants, inscrivez-vous  sur le forum www.cafe-polyglotte.com et pour tout autre question envoyez un mail : muriel.bercez@gmail.com ou =>PRESENTATION (Mode d'emploi du forum)=>Gb,De, Esp, It 
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Message  gerardM le Ven 25 Sep - 22:53

True Muriel!

_________________
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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  gerardM le Sam 26 Sep - 16:16


Dawn French Fan Club 2 12004028_976062412451489_2437494536952297788_n

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  gerardM le Sam 26 Sep - 16:48

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair.
One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A" when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  MurielB le Sam 26 Sep - 23:08

Gérard it's also very important not to let people develop their wicked side

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Merci pour votre réponse. Connectez vous (cliquez sur "connexion" et insérez "mot de passe" et "nom d’utilisateur") puis cliquez sur “répondre “ Pour avoir vos identifiants, inscrivez-vous  sur le forum www.cafe-polyglotte.com et pour tout autre question envoyez un mail : muriel.bercez@gmail.com ou =>PRESENTATION (Mode d'emploi du forum)=>Gb,De, Esp, It 
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Message  gerardM le Dim 27 Sep - 19:54

Two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really! Like a newborn baby?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  gerardM le Dim 27 Sep - 20:01

Dawn French Fan Club 2 12049212_976062612451469_1328612276326367157_n

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
gerardM

Messages : 33594
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Message  MurielB le Dim 27 Sep - 21:27

Not sure !

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France Merci de me faire part des grosses fautes dans mes messages en langue étrangère. Grâce à vos remarques, je pourrai m'améliorer  :-) 
Merci pour votre réponse. Connectez vous (cliquez sur "connexion" et insérez "mot de passe" et "nom d’utilisateur") puis cliquez sur “répondre “ Pour avoir vos identifiants, inscrivez-vous  sur le forum www.cafe-polyglotte.com et pour tout autre question envoyez un mail : muriel.bercez@gmail.com ou =>PRESENTATION (Mode d'emploi du forum)=>Gb,De, Esp, It 
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Message  gerardM le Dim 27 Sep - 22:06

MurielB a écrit:Not sure !
Do you really mean common sense will never come back Muriel?

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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  MurielB le Dim 27 Sep - 22:09

Gérard i didn't say no but i said
Not sure !

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France Merci de me faire part des grosses fautes dans mes messages en langue étrangère. Grâce à vos remarques, je pourrai m'améliorer  :-) 
Merci pour votre réponse. Connectez vous (cliquez sur "connexion" et insérez "mot de passe" et "nom d’utilisateur") puis cliquez sur “répondre “ Pour avoir vos identifiants, inscrivez-vous  sur le forum www.cafe-polyglotte.com et pour tout autre question envoyez un mail : muriel.bercez@gmail.com ou =>PRESENTATION (Mode d'emploi du forum)=>Gb,De, Esp, It 
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Message  MurielB le Dim 27 Sep - 22:15

we can't be sure of anything !

_________________
France Merci de me faire part des grosses fautes dans mes messages en langue étrangère. Grâce à vos remarques, je pourrai m'améliorer  :-) 
Merci pour votre réponse. Connectez vous (cliquez sur "connexion" et insérez "mot de passe" et "nom d’utilisateur") puis cliquez sur “répondre “ Pour avoir vos identifiants, inscrivez-vous  sur le forum www.cafe-polyglotte.com et pour tout autre question envoyez un mail : muriel.bercez@gmail.com ou =>PRESENTATION (Mode d'emploi du forum)=>Gb,De, Esp, It 
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Message  gerardM le Dim 27 Sep - 22:27


Dawn French Fan Club 2 12038069_976062739118123_1756959644161017452_n

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
gerardM

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Message  MurielB le Dim 27 Sep - 22:38

Dawn French Fan Club 2 Images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTDSjlir5KhaVu26R7dnxRVXJneLY2eKEvrmwG04f4WOE3LtU3KPw  The important part of our personality is invisible to the eye and never grows older if we are wise enough to keep alive the child who is Inside ourselves !

_________________
France Merci de me faire part des grosses fautes dans mes messages en langue étrangère. Grâce à vos remarques, je pourrai m'améliorer  :-) 
Merci pour votre réponse. Connectez vous (cliquez sur "connexion" et insérez "mot de passe" et "nom d’utilisateur") puis cliquez sur “répondre “ Pour avoir vos identifiants, inscrivez-vous  sur le forum www.cafe-polyglotte.com et pour tout autre question envoyez un mail : muriel.bercez@gmail.com ou =>PRESENTATION (Mode d'emploi du forum)=>Gb,De, Esp, It 
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Message  gerardM le Mar 29 Sep - 11:11

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman get twisted at the local pub one night and conspire to rob the local bank.
Drunk as they are, they try and rob the place but are too drunk to pull it off. As the alarms scream, they leg it out of the bank and down the alley.
Hot on their heals are the cops, responding to the alarm. As the three drunks round a bend, they spot a Cats and Dogs Home and jump over the fence into the kennel yard.
They see three burlap sacks lying on the ground and they each crawl into an empty bag. The cops leap over the fence behind them and spot the three bulging sacks on the ground.
One cop kicks the first sack and the Englishman says, "Bark! Bark!"
"Ah, must be a dog!" says the cop and he kicks the second sack.
The Scotsman says, "Meow!" and the cop nods his head, exclaiming, "Must be cats!" and turns his focus on the last sack, kicking it sharply.
The Irishman cries out, "Potatoes!"

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  gerardM le Mar 29 Sep - 11:49


Dawn French Fan Club 2 12049576_978130272244703_1064147863204069333_n

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Messages : 33594
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Message  gerardM le Mar 29 Sep - 14:18

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him.
"What'll you have?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.
So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered.
"I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
gerardM

Messages : 33594
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Message  gerardM le Mar 29 Sep - 14:28


Dawn French Fan Club 2 12049130_976063029118094_8770701231573875032_n

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
gerardM

Messages : 33594
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Message  gerardM le Mar 29 Sep - 15:29

Dawn French Fan Club 2 12004762_976062979118099_3019816691663921114_n

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
gerardM

Messages : 33594
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