Dawn French Fan Club 2

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  MurielB le Mar 13 Oct - 21:19

"You see, the bull, he does not always lose." affraid affraid affraid

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Mer 14 Oct - 22:55




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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Mer 14 Oct - 23:24

A Grandma who had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return her hearing to 100%.
The grandma went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the elderly woman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Jeu 15 Oct - 15:24




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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Jeu 15 Oct - 23:02




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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Jeu 15 Oct - 23:25




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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  MurielB le Ven 16 Oct - 8:51

cheering me on : to shout loudly in order to encourage someone 

Gérard, the description of the jogger's butt cheeks cheering on him and clapping is very funny ! Very Happy

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Ven 16 Oct - 16:55

A pirate and his parrot were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into rum!"
The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances. The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: "Now yee've done it!! Now we're gonna have to pee in the boat."

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Ven 16 Oct - 17:11




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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  MurielB le Sam 17 Oct - 10:30

The larger mouth, the smaller brain. of course !

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Sam 17 Oct - 21:44

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?
"Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook."

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Dim 18 Oct - 8:24




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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Dim 18 Oct - 15:16



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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  MurielB le Lun 19 Oct - 7:11

a school of sharks

let's revise animal collective nouns



shrewdness of apes
2. army/column/state/swarm of ants
3. herd/pace of asses
4. troop of baboons
5. cete/colony of badgers
6. sloth of bears
7. cluster/swarm/drift/hive/erst of bees
8. flock/flight/pod of birds
9. chatter of budgerigars
10. herd/gang/obstinancy of buffalo
11. bellowing of bullfinches
12. drove of bullocks
13. caravan/flock of camels
14. army of caterpillars
15. chowder/clowder/cluster/glaring of cats
16. herd/drove of cattle
17. brood/clutch/peep of chickens
18. chattering of choughs
19. rag/rake of colts
20. covert of coots
21. herd of cranes
22. bask of crocodiles
23. clan/hover/murder of crows
24. litter of cubs
25. herd of curlew
26. herd/mob of deer
27. cowardice/pack/kennel of dogs
28. pod/school of dolphins
29. trip of dotterel
30. flight/dole/piteousness/prettying of doves
31. paddling of ducks (on water)
32. safe of ducks (on land)
33. fling of dunlins
34. convocation of eagles
35. swarm of eels
36. herd/parade of elephants
37. herd/gang of elk
38. cast of falcons
39. busyness/cast/fesynes of ferrets
40. charm of finches
41. shoal/run of fish
42. flurry/regiment/skein of flamingoes
43. business/cloud/scraw/swarm of flies
44. earth/lead/skulk of foxes
45. gaggle of geese (on land)
46. skein/team/wedge of geese (in flight)
47. corps/herd/troop/kalaedescope of giraffes
48. cloud of gnats
49. flock/herd/trip of goats
50. charm/chattering/chirp/drum of goldfinch
51. troubling of goldfish
52. band of gorillas
53. cloud of grasshoppers
54. brace/leash/pack of greyhounds
55. brood/pack/covey of grouse
56. down/drove/husk/lie/trip/mute/husk of hares
57. cast of hawks
58. array of hedgehogs
59. scattering/sedge/siege of herons
60. army/gleam/shoal of herring
61. bloat/pod of hippopotami
62. drove/string/stud/team of horses
63. pack/cry/kennel of hounds
64. crowd of ibis
65. flight/swarm of insects
66. brood/fluther/smuck of jellyfish
67. herd/mob/troop of kangaroos
68. kindle/litter of kittens
69. deceit/desert of lapwings
70. bevy/exaltation of larks
71. leap/lepe of leopards
72. flock/pride/sawt/souse/troop of lions
73. tiding/tittering of magpies
74. sord/suit of mallard
75. stud of mares
76. richesse of martens
77. nest of mice
78. company/labour/movement/mumble of moles
79. troop of monkeys
80. cartload/pack/span/barren of mules
81. match/puddling/watch of nightingales
82. flock of ostrich
83. bevy/family of otters
84. parliament/stare of owls
85. yoke of oxen
86. pandemonium of parrots
87. covey of partridges
88. muster of peacocks
89. muster/parcel/rookery of penguins
90. brook/bevy/head/ostentation/pride/nye of pheasants
91. kit of pigeons (in flight)
92. farrow of piglets
93. litter/herd of pigs
94. congregation/flight/stand/wing of plovers
95. rush/flight of pochards
96. pod/school/herd/turmoil of porpoises
97. covey of ptarmigan
98. litter of pups
99. bevy/covey/drift of quail
100. bury/colony/nest/warren of rabbits
101. nursery of raccoons
102. string of racehorses
103. colony of rats
104. unkindness of ravens
105. crash of rhinoceros
106. bevy of roe deer
107. parliament/building/clamour/rookery of rooks
108. hill of ruffs
109. family of sardines
110. pod/harem/herd/rookery of seals
111. flock/herd/trip/mob of sheep
112. dopping of sheldrake
113. den/pit/nest of snakes
114. walk/wisp/whisper/wish of snipe
115. host/surration/quarrel of sparrows
116. cluster/clutter of spiders
117. drey of squirrels
118. chattering/crowd/murmation of starlings
119. flight of swallows
120. bank/bevy/game/herd/squadron, teeme/wedge/whiteness of swans (on land)
121. drift/herd/sounder of swine
122. spring of teal
123. mutation of thrush
124. ambush of tigers
125. knab/knot of toads
126. hover of trout
127. dule/raffle/rafter of turkeys
128. bale/turn of turtles
129. herd/nest/pledge of wasps
130. bunch/knob of waterfowl
131. colony/school/herd/pod/gam of whales
132. company/trip of wigeon
133. sounder of wild boar
134. dout/destruction of wild cats
135. team of wild ducks (in flight)
136. bunch/trip/plump/knob of wildfowl
137. pack/rout of wolves
138. covey/fall/flight/plump of woodcock
139. descent of woodpeckers
140. herd of wrens
141. zeal of zebras






Dernière édition par MurielB le Mer 21 Oct - 21:57, édité 2 fois

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Lun 19 Oct - 15:14

A young blonde secretary was describing her blind date to a friend. "After dinner," she said, "he wanted to come back to my apartment, but I refused. I told him my mother would worry if I did anything like that."
"That was smart," her friend said, approvingly. "Then what happened?"
"He kept insisting, and I kept refusing," the secretary said.
"You didn't weaken your resolve, did you?" asked the friend.
"Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured, let his mother worry."

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Lun 19 Oct - 15:21

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied,
“Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Mar 20 Oct - 15:17




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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Mar 20 Oct - 15:25



_________________
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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Ven 23 Oct - 0:48

Four friends have been doing really well in their algebra class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm.
So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though the exam is scheduled for Monday morning.
As it happens, they drink too much at the party, and on Monday morning, they are all hung over and oversleep. When they finally arrive on campus, the exam is already over.
They go to the professor's office and offer him an explanation: "We went to our friend's birthday party, and when we were driving back home very early on Monday morning, we suddenly had a flat tire. We had no spare one, and since we were driving on backroads, it took hours until we got help."
The professor nods sympathetically and says: "I see that it was not your fault. I will allow you to make up for the missed exam tomorrow morning."
When they arrive early on Tuesday morning, the students are put by the professor in a large lecture hall and are seated so far apart from each other that, even if they tried, they had no chance to cheat.
The exam booklets are already in place, and confidently, the students start writing. The first question - five points out of one hundred - is a simple exercise in algebra, and all four finish it within ten minutes.
When the first of them has completed the problem, he turns over the page of the exam booklet and reads on the next one: Problem 2 (95 points out of 100): Which tire went flat?

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Ven 23 Oct - 21:54




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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Ven 23 Oct - 22:03

A psychoanalyst shows a patient an inkblot, and asks him what he sees. The patient says: "A man and woman making love."
The psychoanalyst shows him a second inkblot, and the patient says: "That's also a man and woman making love."
The psychoanalyst says: "You are obsessed with sex."
The patient says: "What do you mean I am obsessed? You are the one with all the dirty pictures.''

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  MurielB le Sam 24 Oct - 17:30

Problem 2 (95 points out of 100): Which tire went flat? a écrit:
Very difficult question indeed ! Very Happy

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Sam 24 Oct - 18:17

A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs £500."
"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.
The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."
The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.
"That one costs £1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system."
Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.
"That one costs £2,000."
"And what does that one do?" the man asked.
The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  gerardM le Sam 24 Oct - 22:23




_________________
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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

Message  MurielB le Sam 24 Oct - 22:27

DEAR LORD, IF YOU CAN'T MAKE ME SKINNY, COULD YOU PLEASE MAKE MY FRIENDS FAT?...

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