Dawn French Fan Club 2

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Message  gerardM le Ven 30 Déc - 15:10

The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman’s poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, “Ma’am, may I have that seat?”
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular “Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.”
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under the yapping dog.
“Please, ma’am. May I sit down? I’m very tired.”
She snorted, “Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!”
This time the Marine didn’t say a word; he just picked up the yapping dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, “Someone must defend my honor! This American should be put in his place!”
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, it appears you have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

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Message  gerardM le Sam 31 Déc - 21:26

This Is Why You Should Never Piss Off Your Nurse

A bigshot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She walked into his room and announced, “I have to take your temperature.”

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. “No, I’m sorry, the nurse stated, “but for this reading, I can’t use an oral thermometer.” This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, “I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!”

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After almost an hour, the man’s doctor comes into the room.

“What’s going on here?” asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, “What’s the matter, Doc? Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?”

After a pause, the doctor replies, “Yes, but never with a daffodil!”


Several new words for you Muriel.
Do you know what a daffodil is? Do you know what happened to the poor guy?
Should be nice looking!

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Message  MurielB le Dim 1 Jan - 23:28

Gérard I don't understand why the temperature was taken with a daffodil (Flower)

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Message  gerardM le Lun 2 Jan - 11:50

MurielB a écrit:Gérard I don't understand why the temperature was taken with a daffodil (Flower)
I don't know if it was efficient but I guess there was no readable figures but the show was surely accomplished.
Experienced nurses do have lots of such tricks so not good advice to piss off a nurse.

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Message  MurielB le Lun 2 Jan - 22:19

Thanks Gérard for explaining !

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Message  gerardM le Mar 3 Jan - 17:48

No one believes seniors, everyone thinks they are senile. An elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Andy had carved “I love you, Sally.”
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money–fifty-thousand dollars.
Andy said, “We’ve got to give it back.”
Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knock on the door. “Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”
Sally said, “No.”
Andy said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.”
Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.”
The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: “Tell us the story from the beginning.”
Andy said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday.”
The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, “We’re out of here.”

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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  gerardM le Mer 4 Jan - 14:49

Dawn French Fan Club 2 - Page 36 15822832_1316409141750146_6021784216460753171_n

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Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  gerardM le Mer 4 Jan - 21:07

Dawn French Fan Club 2 - Page 36 15823245_1316775841713476_1946559003800241330_n

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Message  MurielB le Mer 4 Jan - 22:50

Dawn French Fan Club 2 - Page 36 10-i-hate-cooking-BLOGI understand perfectly !

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Message  gerardM le Sam 7 Jan - 20:49

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.
So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.
However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man’s new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his baby face!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice.
He said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?”
"My darling,” she replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  MurielB le Sam 7 Jan - 21:43

Very difficult to be a mother in law. affraid

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Message  gerardM le Lun 9 Jan - 11:23

Dawn French Fan Club 2 - Page 36 15965150_1320910254633368_7918076173966187772_n

_________________
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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  gerardM le Lun 9 Jan - 11:31

For many years, these four guys have been going to the same camping trip to Pine Grove. It had become a tradition that they couldn’t miss. Three days before they were going to leave, Eric’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t allowed to go. Eric’s buddies are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three guys head to pine grove without Eric. When they get to the camping site, They find Eric sitting there with his tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

“Dang, Eric, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife Whitney into letting you go?”

“Well, I’ve been here since yesterday evening. I was sitting in my chair and Whitney came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, “Guess who?” I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well, she’s been reading 50 Shades of Grey…

On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she told me, “Do whatever you want.”

So, boys, Here I am!

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  gerardM le Lun 9 Jan - 11:38

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parents' nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the perfect dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother.
Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."
A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."

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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  MurielB le Lun 9 Jan - 21:24

Grove
==> Here is the definition I have found on the internet

1. A small wood or stand of trees lacking dense undergrowth.
2. A group of trees planted and cultivated for the production of fruit or nuts: an orange grove.

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Message  gerardM le Mer 11 Jan - 15:11

Dawn French Fan Club 2 - Page 36 15977639_1322975191093541_1398260774748120105_n

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Message  gerardM le Mer 11 Jan - 15:14

At first, the teacher was scared...


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This Little Girl Tried To Explain Child Birth To Her Class. This Is Priceless.
VIRALSLOT.COM

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Message  gerardM le Jeu 12 Jan - 22:00

I'm so guilty of this


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5 Brilliant Reasons Why You Should Never Overthink Anything
USEFULTIPSFORHOME.COM

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Message  MurielB le Ven 13 Jan - 11:19

Let go of what you cannot change and make a difference with what you can change !

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Message  gerardM le Ven 13 Jan - 17:43

Dawn French Fan Club 2 - Page 36 16003304_1324973434227050_6093494198272498407_n

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Message  MurielB le Ven 13 Jan - 18:28

Are parents necessarily guilty when their children become assholes ?

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Message  gerardM le Ven 13 Jan - 20:10

MurielB a écrit:Are parents necessarily guilty when their children become assholes ?
The pic doesn't state parents are guilty when their children... but bad parenting often leads to...

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Message  gerardM le Ven 13 Jan - 21:23

Dawn French Fan Club 2 - Page 36 16114255_1325537477503979_8716614854764726501_n

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Message  MurielB le Sam 14 Jan - 11:58

Music expresses feelings, emotions without verbal language and separates us from everything else.

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Message  gerardM le Sam 14 Jan - 17:12

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To brag=to praise oneself or one's possessions or achievements

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