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Message  gerardM le Dim 24 Sep - 14:26

Passengers on a small plane are waiting for the flight to leave.
They're getting a little impatient, but the airport staff assures them the pilots will be there soon, and then the flight can take off.
Finally the entrance opens, and two men dressed in Pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle.
Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a white cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.
The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke.
None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.
As it begins to look as though the plane will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.
At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane really is in good hands.
Meanwhile, in the cockpit, the pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "You know, Jim one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."

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Message  gerardM le Dim 24 Sep - 14:30

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Message  gerardM le Dim 24 Sep - 20:11

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Message  gerardM le Dim 24 Sep - 20:30

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  MurielB le Dim 24 Sep - 21:14

Tx Gérard for the very good expression
=>ask for trouble : persist with actions or an attitude despite the probability that it will cause trouble (chercher des ennuis)

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Message  gerardM le Lun 25 Sep - 14:18

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter.
They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.
So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday.
His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile... somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.
He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: January 10, 2017
I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  MurielB le Lun 25 Sep - 22:47

Very Happy Very Happy

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Message  gerardM le Mar 26 Sep - 14:06

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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  gerardM le Mar 26 Sep - 14:33

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_________________
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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  gerardM le Mar 26 Sep - 20:51

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_________________
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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  MurielB le Mar 26 Sep - 21:52

gerardM a écrit:
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you are never disappointed because you know how to please the one who will receive your present ! Very Happy

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Message  gerardM le Mer 27 Sep - 9:27

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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  gerardM le Mer 27 Sep - 9:34

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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  gerardM le Mer 27 Sep - 9:45

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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  MurielB le Mer 27 Sep - 13:47

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so long as we are happy, it doesn't matter !

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Message  gerardM le Mer 27 Sep - 17:49

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_________________
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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  MurielB le Mer 27 Sep - 23:40

It all dépends of Your thoughts because they make your words
Gandhi said "Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words"

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Message  gerardM le Mer 27 Sep - 23:54

MurielB a écrit:It all dépends of Your thoughts because they make your words
Gandhi said "Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words"
I don't pretend to compete with Gandhi, I want to be myself and: You just never know what's gonna come out of my mouth! LOL

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Message  gerardM le Jeu 28 Sep - 10:13

Dave comes home from the pub, drunkest he's been in a long time, and collapses into bed next to his sleeping wife.
Later, he's woken by a brilliant flash of light at the end of his bed, which his still sleeping wife seems oblivious to.
St. Peter appears in all his glory, standing over the two of them.
"You have died my son, of alcohol poisoning" says St. Peter.
Dave is obviously distraught and begs and pleads with the saint to be given another chance at life.
"Well..." says St. Peter, thumbing through his saintly handbook,
"There is a little known rule which might help. Apparently you can be reincarnated in special circumstances if you wish, but only as a dog or as a chicken I'm afraid.."
Dave, living next door to a chicken farm, agrees to be reincarnated as a chicken, at least so he can still see his wife.
BOOM, the man is suddenly now a chicken, pecking around the chicken farm. A rooster approaches him and says "Hey! You must be the new arrival here! How's everything going?"
"Pretty good" says Dave, "though my stomach feels a bit funny.."
"Well you're obviously about to lay an egg! Give it a try... push one out!"
So Dave wriggles and squirms and wriggles and squirms and out pops a nice egg!
"That felt great!" thinks Dave, "I think I'll lay another one!" So again he wriggles and squirms and wriggles and squirms and then !!BANG!!
His wife angrily slaps him on the back of his head and screams in a rage:
"For Christ's sake David!! You've crapped the bed again!!!"

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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  gerardM le Jeu 28 Sep - 10:46

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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  gerardM le Jeu 28 Sep - 14:10

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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  gerardM le Jeu 28 Sep - 14:36

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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  gerardM le Jeu 28 Sep - 21:25

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_________________
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Message  MurielB le Jeu 28 Sep - 22:09

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Message  gerardM le Jeu 28 Sep - 22:35

Hi Muriel, thanks for the illustration of a wishbone... there's also the "wishbone boom aka wishbone".

The thing to notice in the text is that the three of them -wishbone, backbone and funny bone- do exist; the text gives examples of wish, back and fun.
Did you know the three words/expressions?

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