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Message  gerardM Ven 29 Mai - 21:31


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Message  gerardM Ven 29 Mai - 22:10


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Message  gerardM Ven 29 Mai - 22:20

The wise old Mother Superior was dying.
The nuns gathered around her bed, trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more, then before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother, Mother" the nuns cried, "Give us some wisdom before you die!"
She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and pointing out the window, she said, "Don't sell that cow!"

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Message  gerardM Ven 29 Mai - 22:26


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Message  gerardM Ven 29 Mai - 22:37


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_________________
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Message  gerardM Dim 31 Mai - 21:13


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_________________
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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  gerardM Dim 31 Mai - 21:48

An old man was laying on his death bed.
He had only hours to live when he suddenly smelled chocolate chip cookies. He loved chocolate chip cookies more than anything else in the world. With his last bit of energy, he pulled himself out of bed, across the floor, and to the stairs. Then down the stairs and into the kitchen. There his wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. As he reached for one, he got SMACKED across the back of his hand by the wooden spoon his wife was holding.

"Leave them alone!" she said, "They're for the funeral!"

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Message  gerardM Dim 31 Mai - 21:49


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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  MurielB Dim 31 Mai - 22:22

gerardM a écrit:An old man was laying on his death bed.
He had only hours to live when he suddenly smelled chocolate chip cookies. He loved chocolate chip cookies more than anything else in the world. With his last bit of energy, he pulled himself out of bed, across the floor, and to the stairs. Then down the stairs and into the kitchen. There his wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. As he reached for one, he got SMACKED across the back of his hand by the wooden spoon his wife was holding.

"Leave them alone!" she said, "They're for the funeral!
Gérardn it's very very black humor ! Twisted Evil

_________________
France Merci de me faire part des grosses fautes dans mes messages en langue étrangère (en Message Privé). Grâce à vos remarques, je pourrai m'améliorer  :-) 
Pour n'importe quelle  question =>muriel.bercez@gmail.com
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You Don't speak French              =>Gb,De, Esp, It 
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Message  gerardM Lun 1 Juin - 11:22

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card: "Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying: 'Congratulations on your new location!'"

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  gerardM Lun 1 Juin - 11:28


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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
gerardM

Messages : 33591
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Message  gerardM Lun 1 Juin - 11:38

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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
gerardM

Messages : 33591
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Message  gerardM Lun 1 Juin - 11:45


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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
gerardM

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Message  gerardM Mar 2 Juin - 18:37

In the men's room, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.
The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands... clear up to his elbows... he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Nebraska and they taught us to be sanitary."
The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."
The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from the University of Iowa and they taught us not to pee on our hands."

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
gerardM

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Message  gerardM Mar 2 Juin - 18:42


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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  gerardM Mar 2 Juin - 18:48

Dawn French Fan Club - Page 14 11351422_918278661563198_2179344398359285970_nwhen you have "Life" printed on your "shirt", you are life. When you hand out lemons it is to make lemonade and it's exactly what life does.


I don't understand #3.
Anyone out there?

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
gerardM

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Message  gerardM Mar 2 Juin - 19:08


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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
gerardM

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Message  gerardM Mar 2 Juin - 19:34


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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  MurielB Mar 2 Juin - 22:40

gerardM a écrit:Dawn French Fan Club - Page 14 11351422_918278661563198_2179344398359285970_n
I don't understand #3.
Anyone out there?

when you have "Life" printed on your "shirt", you are life. When you hand out lemons it is to make lemonade and it's exactly what life does.

_________________
France Merci de me faire part des grosses fautes dans mes messages en langue étrangère (en Message Privé). Grâce à vos remarques, je pourrai m'améliorer  :-) 
Pour n'importe quelle  question =>muriel.bercez@gmail.com
Pour connaitre le mode d'emploi=>PRESENTATION
You Don't speak French              =>Gb,De, Esp, It 
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Message  gerardM Jeu 4 Juin - 15:53

> it's exactly what life does.
Sorry Muriel, I still can't understand.
Life makes lemonade?? scratch

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  gerardM Jeu 4 Juin - 17:37

Three buddies die in a car crash and they find themselves at an orientation to enter heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
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Message  gerardM Jeu 4 Juin - 17:54

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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
gerardM

Messages : 33591
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Message  gerardM Jeu 4 Juin - 18:01


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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
gerardM

Messages : 33591
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Message  gerardM Jeu 4 Juin - 18:07


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_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
gerardM

Messages : 33591
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Message  gerardM Jeu 4 Juin - 23:29

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. I then looked around the room and saw that all the wait persons had a spoon in their pocket. When the waiter came back to check on our order I asked: "Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their spoons 73.84% more often than any other utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 1.5 man-hours per shift."
As we finished talking, a metallic sound was heard from behind me. Quickly, the waiter replaced the dropped spoon with the one in his pocket and said: "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was rather impressed. The waiter continued taking our order and while my guests ordered, I continued to look around. I then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their fly.
My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter: "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned, also found out that we can save time in the restroom."
"How so?"
"See," he continued, "by tying this string to the tip of ...you know... we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent"
"Okay, that makes sense, but... if the string helps you get it out, how do you put it back in?"
"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

_________________
Please feel free to point out big mistakes in my messages in a foreign language. Thanks to your remarks, I'll be able to improve my level.
PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
gerardM
gerardM

Messages : 33591
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