Dawn French Fan Club

A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.
There is a store employee standing there with dark shades on.
She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma’am I’m blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."
She didn’t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said "That’s a 6′ graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line... It’s a good all around rod and reel and it’s $20.00."
She says, "That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it’s what I’m looking for so I’ll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her... being blind he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.
He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
She says, "But didn’t you say it was $20.00?"
He says, "Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"

On a windy day, an old lady is standing on a street corner, holding on to her hat with both hands, even though her dress is flying up over her face.
An old man across the street sees her and runs over. As he approaches her, he says, "Sister, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, standing over here in all this wind with your dress flying over your head, exposing your paraphernalia, and you're holding that damn hat with both hands. You ought to be ashamed."
She looked at him and said, "Look here, fool, everything down there is 80 years old, but this hat is brand new."

Classic Dawn French… Oh yeah!




When Dawn French Appears As Vicky Pollard's Mum, You Will Find Yourself Laughing Out Loud!
DAWNFRENCHVIDEOS.COM



For those who don't know who Dawn French is: a British comedian.

Two women were chatting in the office:
Woman 1: “I had a fine evening, yesterday,how was yours...?”
Woman 2: “It was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell asleep. How was yours...?”
Woman 1: “Oh, it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale!”
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work:
Husband 1: “How was your evening...?”
Husband 2: “Great! I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. What about you?”
Husband 1: “It was horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that I didn’t had money left for a cab. We walked home, which took an hour and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!”

“OK everyone,” said the the instructor at the birthing class trying to get everyone’s attention. “We are going to do an exercise now, its purpose is to help the men sympathize with their partners.”
“We have here what’s called a pregnancy suit,” said the woman instructor, holding up an artificial stomach with a strap. “This imitates the feeling of being pregnant.”
"Which Husband volunteers to be the first one to try it on?”
“I will” said one man, taking the suit and trying it on. “This isn’t too bad," said the man walking around. "I think I could get used to this.”
“OK,” said the instructor smiling, “now I would like you to bend down and pick up my pen from the floor.”
“You want me to pick it up?” he said hesitantly, “just as I would if I was pregnant?”
“Yes!” said the instructor.
“Honey,” said the man turning to his wife “do you mind picking up that pen for me?”

A cop was hiding in his usual spot when he saw a car speed by at 90 mph. Quickly turning on his sirens, the cop pulled over an old lady. “License and registration please” said the cop in a tough voice.
“I’m sorry,” responded the lady, “I forgot to ask him where he keeps his registration before I shot him.”
“You what!” Hollered the cop nervously holding onto his gun.
”I shot him,” she responded, “I stuck him in the trunk if you want to see.”
Within 2 minutes there were 8 police cars pulled up behind her and a police officer talking into a megaphone: “Come out of the car with your hands up.”
While one cop watched the lady, another opened the trunk. “Um, ma'm,” said the second cop, “there’s no dead man in this trunk.”
“Well why would there be?” She asked.
“Excuse me,” said another cop, “this car seems to be registered in your name?”
“Well why wouldn’t it be?” repeated the lady.
“Well,” they both responded “the cop said that you told him you killed the owner and put him in the trunk.”
“Humph” said the old lady with a wave of her hand, “I bet that old liar told you I was speeding too!”