Re: Dawn French Fan Club

gerardM Mer 2 Sep - 10:13

-> Breaking the Turkey Wishbone: A Thanksgiving Tradition

Worth trying Smile

gerardM Mer 2 Sep - 22:15

Recently divorced, I moved back to my home town hoping to start over again.
A few weeks later, while making a dentist appointment, I was surprised to see that I recognized the dentist’s name as a good looking boy from my high school 20 years ago.
However, upon walking into the dentist’s office, I quickly realized he must be someone else.
He was bald, had a big beer belly, and looked a lot older than me.
Just to be sure though, on my way out I asked him if he went to the high school that I had attended.
“Yeah,” he responded, “I graduated in '91.”
“Oh my gosh,” I excitedly said, “you were in my class.”
“Really,” he said, "that’s interesting, what class did you teach?”

gerardM Jeu 3 Sep - 12:14

Top Ten One Liners:
1. Escalators don’t break down… they just turn into stairs.
2. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing… except when you’re at a funeral.
3. I intend to live forever… or die trying.
4. We never knew he was a drunk… until he showed up to work sober.
5. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
6. A blind man walks into a bar….And a table, and a chair.
7. At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?
8. Want to hear a pizza joke…. nah, it’s too cheesy. What about a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one. Did you hear the one about the rope? Skip it. Have you heard the one about the guy in the wheelchair? Never mind, it’s too lame.
9. I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.
10. I childproofed the house… but they still get in!

MurielB Ven 4 Sep - 21:43

do you know about the tickle torture ?

gerardM Ven 4 Sep - 23:48

> do you know about the tickle torture ?
Yes sure.

MurielB Sam 5 Sep - 15:40

It's the worst, isn't it ? affraid

gerardM Sam 5 Sep - 17:32

NO...

There's also when you see the last jar of Nutella is finished, and it's Saturday night in France: no open shop till Monday!!

LOL

NB: it's only a joke because I never eat any Nutella... because I do love this: when I take a mouthful -with the biggest sponn I found- I can't help taking another one, another one, etc till the end of the jar (a 1kg one of course) Smile

gerardM Sam 5 Sep - 17:43

There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget.
They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said.
The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream."
She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him.
Again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream."
Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband.
He said, again, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top."
So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon.
The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"

gerardM Dim 6 Sep - 11:51

Hi Muriel,

MurielB a écrit:... My house isn't fancy means my house is not a dream. I just knew fancy as a verb=>To fancy someone.

"Fancy" is very popular as an adjective (as well as a noun or a verb). I guess you should check further.

As an adjective, fancy has a large range of meanings (more than "dream"):

1 (elaborate) [lighting, equipment] sophistiqué; nothing fancy (meal) rien de spécial;
2 ¡péj (pretentious) [place] snobinard¡; [price] exorbitant; [idea, project] fantaisiste; [name] tordu; [food, gadget, equipment] compliqué; [clothes] chic;
3 (decorative) [paper, box] fantaisie inv;
4 Comm [food] de luxe;
5 Zool [breed] d'agrément.

(according to my Hachette-Oxford dictionary)

MurielB Dim 6 Sep - 19:35

gerardM a écrit:
Hi Muriel,
MurielB a écrit:... My house isn't fancy means my house is not a dream. I just knew fancy as a verb=>To fancy someone.
"Fancy" is very popular as an adjective (as well as a noun or a verb). I guess you should check further.

As an adjective, fancy has a large range of meanings (more than "dream"):
1 (elaborate) [lighting, equipment] sophistiqué; nothing fancy (meal) rien de spécial;
2 ¡péj (pretentious) [place] snobinard¡; [price] exorbitant; [idea, project] fantaisiste; [name] tordu; [food, gadget, equipment] compliqué; [clothes] chic;
3 (decorative) [paper, box] fantaisie inv;
4 Comm [food] de luxe;
5 Zool [breed] d'agrément.
(according to my Hachette-Oxford dictionary)

Thanks Gérard, i should have checked further. there are so many different meanings in that word $C\'est vrai!!$

gerardM Mar 8 Sep - 11:21

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

gerardM Mer 9 Sep - 21:38

Usually, "I feel like..." is an expression they use to express they would like to do something.
Here it's the opposite...
Here "I feel like..." just means I'm feeling as if...

MurielB Mer 9 Sep - 21:45

good explanation !

gerardM Ven 11 Sep - 10:20

> it's very sweet
That's not common from Dawn French, that English comedian who often says harsh not to say rude words.

MurielB Ven 11 Sep - 21:27

another proverb, but by Dawn French! LOL

A Dawn French version of "life is like a box of chocolates" Wink

For those who don't know about chillies, i can tell you that they are very hot !
ot Dawn French Fan Club - Page 24 9k=

MurielB Sam 12 Sep - 21:37

The opposite is "the other way round" I do like that expression !

gerardM Sam 12 Sep - 21:39

MurielB a écrit:The opposite is "the other way round" I do like that expression !

You are quite right Muriel.
"The opposite" has a strong meaning in English; in French we often use "au contraire" instead of "à l'opposé".

gerardM Sam 12 Sep - 23:34

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
Some old men can still think fast...

gerardM Dim 13 Sep - 11:42

A Mum visits her son who lives with a girl roommate.
During the course of the dinner, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than meet the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, the son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."
About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
He said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
He sat down and wrote :
"Dear Mum:
I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Danny"
Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:
"Dear Danny:
I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow…
Love,
Mum."

MurielB Dim 13 Sep - 16:10

Hi Gérard, everyone !
I had to look up "I am screwed" in the internet

I am in a position that is a result of a problem or bad situation that seems impossible to solve/get out of

gerardM Dim 13 Sep - 16:26

Muriel,

"Screwed" is much used in the United States.
You could probably see there were several meaning especially in slang.
Here the French equivalent might be from "nous sommes mal barrés" to "on est foutu".

MurielB Dim 13 Sep - 17:17

thanks for the explanation !

MurielB Dim 13 Sep - 17:19

gerardM a écrit:A Mum visits her son who lives with a girl roommate.
During the course of the dinner, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than meet the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, the son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."
About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
He said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
He sat down and wrote :
"Dear Mum:
I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Danny"
Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:
"Dear Danny:
I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow…
Love,
Mum."

Clever mummy ! :-)

gerardM Lun 14 Sep - 19:42

There's a butcher tending to his shop when a dog walks in.
The dog has a note in his mouth, with a $10 bill attached.
The butcher bends down and picks the note out of the dog's mouth, reading aloud he says: "2 pork chops please" and the dog sits.
The butcher, highly impressed, packages two pork chops for the dog, wraps them up and gives the bag to the dog who picks it up and exits the shop.
The butcher was so blown away that he decided he was going to follow this dog on his journey home, and closed up shop.
With the butcher following on the way home, the dog stopped at a stop sign and waited for traffic.
The dog got to a stop light which was red, he waited for it to turn green before crossing the street.
The butcher couldn't believe what he was seeing.
The dog stopped at a bus stop, a bus pulled up with the dog remained on the bench. When the next bus came the dog got on and so did the butcher.
After about five or six stops, the dog reaches his destination and him and the butcher exit the bus.
The butcher follows the dog 1 or 2 more streets around the corner, and stops short of the house at the end of the driveway.
So the dog walks up to the door, he sets the pork chops down and scratches at the door. Nobody answers the door.
The dog stood on his hind legs and scratched harder on the door. No answer.
Frustrated, the dog goes to the side of the house and uses his paw to tap on the window. He goes back to the front door, but nobody answers.
The dog begins to become frantic, and starts to hurl his body at the door slamming into it as loud as possible. He slams and slams and slams.
After about a minute of this, finally somebody opens the door. The dog's owner was not happy to see him, he immediately started to yell, calling the dog a complete idiot.
The butcher, who sees all this happening, ran up the driveway to the owner of the dog to get him to stop. "No!" He exclaimed, "This dog is a genius! I just followed him home, you wouldn't believe what I saw him do to get here!"
"Oh really?!" Says the owner, "Well this is the third time he's forgot his keys this week!!"

gerardM Lun 14 Sep - 21:11

[size=30]Don't you think FRench people look shy?[/size]