Internet English Resources 4 on EnglishIsFun (Facebook)

20 Stupid questions with smart answers
BOY: May I hold your hand?
GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy.
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GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY: You love me...
GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring?
BOY: Sure, what's your phone number?
GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.
GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY: Don't you ever want to improve?
BOY: I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL: How soon?
BOY: I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL: Yes, but would you stay there?
SHARON: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss?
TRACY: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN: You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN: No, because you make me sick.
WIFE: You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND: You tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
PETER: A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
GIRLFRIEND: ...And are you sure you love me and no one else?
BOYFRIEND: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday!
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.
WAITER: Would you like your coffee black?
CUSTOMER: What other colors do you have?
TEACHER: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
STUDENT: Brotherly love.
TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
PUPIL: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
PATIENT: What are the chances of my recovering, doctor?
DOCTOR: One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died.
TEACHER: Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
STUDENT: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?
STUDENT: Because George still had the axe in is hand.
TEACHER: Sam, you talk a lot!
STUDENT: It's a family tradition.
TEACHER: What do you mean?
STUDENT: Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.
TEACHER: What about your mother?
STUDENT: She's a woman.