Jennifer Saunders Fan Club

A wife was sitting peacefully in her cozy armchair sewing her husband’s socks.
Her husband came into the room and glanced at what she was doing, and started badgering, “HONEY be more careful! PLEASE WATCH WHAT YOU ARE DOING!
You don’t want to poke YOUR finger! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU!
Don’t look up when YOU'RE SEWING! There you go, now slow and steady, nice even stitches.
The wife puts down the needle and thread, looks up at her husband, and says, “What the hell is wrong with you?
Do you know how many times I’ve sewn socks before?!
“EXACTLY THE POINT I WAS TRYING TO GET AT”, hollered the husband, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I’VE DRIVEN A CAR BEFORE!?

Tom’s wife was hosting a dinner party for some of her close friends, at their summer home.
Moment’s before the guests were scheduled to arrive, she asked Tom if he would be ever so gracious to walk a block down to the beach to pick up some fresh snails for the party.
On his way to the beach he passed the local bar, and figured he’d stop in for a quick drink before heading down to the beach to search for the snails.
One drink lead to the next, and before he knew it, it was 5:00 in the morning and he hadn’t gotten his wife those snails.
Quickly he hurried down to the beach, picked up a few snails, rushed home, and stumbled up the front steps, dropping the snails.
At that moment, his wife angrily opened the door asking him where he had been and how he had ruined her party.
Tom, looked towards the snails and said “C’mon you slow pokes! Just a few more steps and we’re there!”