British humour

I am very touched with what you have written jackyg. I am back from hospital because I have broken a bone. I feel miserable but cheered up thanks to you.

There are a lot of Irish jokes in English, they are as funny as Belgian jokes in French...
Two Irishmen are speaking about
why A pear is one and a pair is two...
why A boy is somebody and a buoy is a thing...
why A ewe is an animal and you aren't....
to be continued

What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"

What stories do the ship captain's children like to hear?

Ferry tales.

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because she had bright students.

I have often asked students this one as a serious question:

Q. Do you know the difference between UNLAWFUL and ILLEGAL.

Nobody ever knows the difference so I then give them the answer:

A. 'Unlawful' means that something is against the law whereas 'Illegal' is a sick bird!

Hi Philip HANMAN
Thank you for joining the forum but I don't understand. I have just looked up in my dictionary to check. It says that "unlawful means that the law doesn't allow you to do it" whereas" illegal means that the law says that that it is not allowed"
I am sorry but I don't understand. Is it a joke ?

Bonsoir Muriel,
Il n'y a pas de différence entre les deux mots 'unlawful' et 'illegal'. Les deux mots veulent dire la même chose. C'est un jeu de mot. Il faut lire 'illegal' comme deux mots 'ILL' et 'EAGLE' (C'est la même prononciation) = Un aigle qui est malade. C'est clair maintenant?
Philip

very good indeed ! Thank you Philippe !

Hi Gérard,  every one !
If you want to understand the jokes you must revise modern Science like quantic physics  guidelines. I will do it but I need time.

 Hi everyone !
If you feel like sharing a joke with us please do
Click "Réponse"

A ship engine failed and no one could fix it. Then they brought in a chap with 40 yrs on the job. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom. After l...ooking things over, the guy reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. The engine was fixed! 7 Days later the owners got his bill for 10k. 'What?!' the owners said 'You hardly did anything.Send us an itemized bill.” the reply simply said
Tapping with a hammer. .£2
Knowing where to tap. .£9998
Don't underestimate experience.

Hi everyone !
Any joke is welcome !

Beware ! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.

The consolation of being over forty is that you can no longer die young (Hargrove)

What is most important in life is a mind young for ever (patrick Bercez)

Indeed !

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.

. We don't know what we want , but we are ready to bite someone to get it.

We are like puppies being fed. What is in the other ones 'plates tastes nicer than in ours and we want it;

A book is a success when people who haven't read it pretend they have.

very true !