Re: Dawn French Fan Club 2

gerardM Lun 2 Nov - 23:31

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.
As we was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.
At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.
Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"

gerardM Lun 2 Nov - 23:37

gerardM Mar 3 Nov - 11:39

A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks, "What will it be?"
The man replied, "a burger and a coke."
"And you?" Asked the waitress.
"I'll have the same," the ostrich replies.
They finish their meal and pay. "That will be $4.50." The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount. They do this every day till Friday.
"The usual?" She asked.
"No, today is Friday. I'll have steak and a coke."
"Me too." says the ostrich. They finish and pay.
"That will be $10.95"
The man reached into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount again just like all week.
The waitress was dumbfounded: "How is it that you always have the exact amount?"
"Well," says the man, "I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared."
"Wow!" Said the waitress. "What did you wish for?"
"I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount would appear in my pocket."
"Amazing! Most people would ask for a million dollars. But what's with the ostrich?"
"Well," said the man. "I also asked for a chick with long legs."

gerardM Mar 3 Nov - 11:49

gerardM Mar 3 Nov - 11:53

gerardM Mar 3 Nov - 11:57

gerardM Mar 3 Nov - 15:25

gerardM Mar 3 Nov - 15:42

gerardM Mar 3 Nov - 16:38

Dawn French Fan Club 2 - Page 8 Safe_image.php?d=AQBaQIEuSpXXnFXj&w=470&h=246&url=http%3A%2F%2Fviralslot.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2015%2F11%2F2015-11-02-8-47-58-PM

12 Things Men Do Differently To Women. #7 Is Priceless
VIRALSLOT.COM

gerardM Mar 3 Nov - 17:03

gerardM Mar 3 Nov - 17:06

gerardM Mar 3 Nov - 21:23

MurielB Mar 3 Nov - 22:29

gerardM a écrit:
A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.
As we was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.
At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.
Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"

Happy cat ! I wish I had half its sense of orientation !

gerardM Mer 4 Nov - 23:59

gerardM Jeu 5 Nov - 0:00

gerardM Jeu 5 Nov - 18:03

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war-weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans! You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

gerardM Jeu 5 Nov - 19:13

gerardM Jeu 5 Nov - 23:39

gerardM Ven 6 Nov - 10:59

gerardM Ven 6 Nov - 11:04

A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her basket was filled with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious that she was in a hurry and not happy about the slowness of the line.
When the cashier called for yet another price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked, indignantly, "Well, at this rate, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"
"Don't worry, Ma'am," replied the clerk. "With all that wind kicking up over there and that brand new broom you have in your basket, you'll be home in no time."

gerardM Ven 6 Nov - 11:15

gerardM Ven 6 Nov - 11:19

gerardM Ven 6 Nov - 23:11

gerardM Ven 6 Nov - 23:30