Dawn French Fan Club

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Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Dim 8 Fév - 16:49

Hi everyone,

I open this new thread "Dawn French Fan Club"
because I often pick up the postings of this organization
from their Facabook page;
in addition, I find them very funny:
I do like them.
(I re-published in "Funny Pics / Funny Stories").
Time for them to have their own dedicated thread here.

Dawn French is well known in Australia (and prolly in other English speaking countries) for both her funny stories and the links to cooking recipes (re-published).


Thanks to "Dawn French Fan Club"!

Facebook's page is -> https://www.facebook.com/Dawnfrenchfan?fref=nf


Er she is in fact a bit older now
(photo possibly taken at the invention of the photo tech)  Wink


Dernière édition par gerardM le Dim 8 Fév - 17:22, édité 1 fois

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Dim 8 Fév - 16:59

Hi there,

Here's a collection of photos she published -> https://www.facebook.com/Dawnfrenchfan/photos_stream

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Dim 8 Fév - 17:24

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed.
The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
Minutes passed, then the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh I was thinkin'... perhaps it's noo aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts! Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time you let me put ma hand on yer leg."
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well, noo," he said, "My thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad, nodding.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
And he said, "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Dim 8 Fév - 17:32

Hi

Would you be interested in it, here's Wikipedia about Dawn French (with a pic dated 2005).

Dawn French

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  MurielB le Dim 8 Fév - 22:14

Perhaps is it a way for a man to observe that his wife is beautiful for ever ! It is good that his eyesight is failing ! Wink

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Lun 9 Fév - 15:55

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $25 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $50. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $100. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
"How much for a season pass?"

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Lun 9 Fév - 16:09

I can't wait to try this

She Adds Chocolate To Wafer Cookies. The Results? The Most Delicious Dessert You Will Ever See
I have to try this.
ENJOYEASYMEALS.COM

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Mar 10 Fév - 11:09

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Mer 11 Fév - 11:38

After working most of her life, Grandma finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.
As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks... and believe me, it helps me sleep at night."

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Jeu 12 Fév - 16:11

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Ven 13 Fév - 14:38

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club when a mobile phone on a bench rings. A man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Of course, everyone else in the room listens in.
Man: "Hello."
Woman: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
Man: "Yes."
Woman: "I'm at the mall and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?
Man: "Sure, go ahead if you really like it."
Woman: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2015 models. I saw one I really liked."
Man; "How much?"
Woman: "$98,000."
Man: "OK, but for that price make sure it comes with all options."
Woman: "Great, I love you honey! Oh, and one more thing, the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're only asking $950,000."
Man: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, go the extra 50 thousand if you think it's really a good price."
Woman: "OK, I will. I'll see you later! I love you so much! You're so generous!"
Man: "You're worth every cent, darling. Bye!"
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, with jaws hanging.
The wonderful husband turns and laughs as he asks: "Anybody know whose phone this is?"

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Sam 14 Fév - 14:53

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period,'' said the little boy.
"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''
''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Dim 15 Fév - 15:11

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.
Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.
The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..."
At this point the wife sits up and says,"Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  MurielB le Dim 15 Fév - 23:18

=> I want to know how I got to be this damn old. Wasn't I in high school only a few years ago?
Gérard it's very true. Time flies..

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Lun 16 Fév - 20:15

"Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house."
"Did he get anything?" his mates asked.

"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Mar 17 Fév - 11:50

I noticed that all the waiters in this New York restaurant carried two spoons in their vest pocket. Naturally, I was curious. I asked a waiter why.
"Sir, as a result of an efficiency study by the management, it was determined that the most frequently dropped silverware item was a spoon. Therefore, all the waiters carry two spoons so that the item can be instantly replaced."
As he was explaining that, I noticed a string hanging out of the fly of his pants. So, I asked about that.
"Sir, that's another efficiency study result. When we have to go to the bathroom, we use the string to pull ourselves out and aim. Therefore, we do not have to stop to wash our hands."
I replied, "I understand how you can get yourself out and aim, but how do you get yourself back in."
"Well," replied the waiter, "I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoons!"

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Mer 18 Fév - 22:05

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket to find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking the husband yells out:
"WATCH OUT FOR THE WALL!"

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Mer 18 Fév - 23:38



12 Actual Questions People Asked About Pregnancy. Number 5 Is Priceless.
VIRALSLOT.COM

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Jeu 19 Fév - 16:12

In a small town, an elderly couple had been dating each other for a long time.
At the urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for marriage.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex? He asked, rather trustingly.
"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say... I would like it infrequently."
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then over his glasses, he looked her in the eyes and casually asked:
"Is that one word or two?"

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Ven 20 Fév - 14:20

Every night after dinner, Harry took off for the local watering hole.
He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He usually had trouble getting his key to fit the keyhole and couldn’t get the door open.
And, every time this happened, his wife would go to the door and let him in. Then, she would proceed to yell and scream at him for his constant nights out and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry still continued his nightly routine.
One day, the distraught wife was talking to a friend about her husband’s behavior. The friend listened and suggested, “Why don’t you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don’t you give him some loving wordas and welcome him home with a kiss? Then, he might change his ways.”

The wife thought this might be a good idea. That night, Harry took off again after dinner. And, at about midnight, he arrived home in his usual condition.

His wife heard him at the door. She quickly opened it and let Harry in. Instead of beating him as she had always done, this time she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat Harry down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the foot stool, and took his shoes off. Then, she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little.

After a short while, she whispered to Harry, “It’s pretty late, dear. I think we should go upstairs to bed now, don’t you think?”

Harry replied in his inebriated state, “Heck, I guess we might as well. I’ll get in trouble when I get home anyway!”

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Sam 21 Fév - 21:04

Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp.

Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness!"

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:

"Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  MurielB le Sam 21 Fév - 22:24

sometimers is not to bad but oftentimers is worrying. Sad

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Lun 23 Fév - 1:07

An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!
The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  MurielB le Lun 23 Fév - 21:53

Good to know that in a bull fighting man is not always the only winner ! Very Happy

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Re: Dawn French Fan Club

Message  gerardM le Mar 24 Fév - 8:22

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500.
The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word.
She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."

Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?"

The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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