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Message  gerardM le Mer 4 Mar - 19:26


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How Not To Seduce Your Husband. This Woman Finds Out The Hard Way.
VIRALSLOT.COM

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Message  gerardM le Mer 4 Mar - 19:26


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Message  gerardM le Mer 4 Mar - 22:50


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Message  gerardM le Jeu 5 Mar - 19:59

Three little ducks go into a bar.
"Hello, what's your name?" the bartender asks the first duck.
"Huey," he replies.
"How's your day been, Huey?" the bartender asks.
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" smiles Huey.
"That's nice," says the bartender, turning to the second duck. "Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," comes the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?" asks the bartender.
"Great. I've had a ball, too. Been in and out of puddles all day, as well. What more could a duck want?"
The barman turns to the third duck and says: "So, you must be Louie?"
"No," she says, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles."

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Message  MurielB le Ven 6 Mar - 15:52

Gérard, I am sorry but I didn't pick what was funny in the story ! scratch

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Message  gerardM le Ven 6 Mar - 22:22

Hi Muriel,

Several things you might have missed:
- Huey, Dewey, and Louie are Donald Duck's nephews
- might be quite natural for ducks to play in puddles except that... we learn Puddles is in fact the female 3rd duck and being in and out of puddles gets a different meaning: I do hope Puddles had a wonderful day too with 2 lovers.
I reckon this story would be liked by kids.

In addition, "Had a ball" would make an American think of having sex.

So, in the first part of the story, a listener would think Huey and Dewey had an innocent and normal day when they state: had a ball, been in and out of puddles; with my explanations you now understand that they had a very special day.

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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  gerardM le Ven 6 Mar - 22:32

Three lunatics approach their asylum doctor with a request for a weekend pass to the local city.
"That's impossible says the doctor. You're all nuts. You'll get lost and never come back."
But the lunatics wouldn't relent until finally, exasperated, the doctor says "OK! If you can answer a simple question, I'll sign the pass."
He turns to the first lunatic and says "What's three times three?"
The lunatic starts counting on his fingers "3, 7, 19, 38?. Is it 128?"
The doctor shakes his head and turns to the next lunatic: "What's three times three?"
The lunatic immediately shouts "WEDNESDAY!"
The doctor, beginning to get disgusted turns to the last lunatic: What's three times three?"
The lunatic thinks for a moment and then asks for a pencil and a piece of paper. That provided, he writes for some time furiously, and finally looks up and says "Nine."
The doctor is amazed, but true to his word he begins filling out the pass. As he's writing he says "This is incredible, you've always been thoroughly insane. How'd you do it?"
The lunatic responds, "Oh, it was easy, I divided 128 by Wednesday!"

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Message  gerardM le Sam 7 Mar - 20:23

There was a lady in her 90s who became a sort of local celebrity because she had recently gotten married. The local news station decided to interview her. The interviewer asked questions like how it was to be a newlywed in her 90s.
"This isn't my first husband, so it's not much different than the others," she replied with a smile.
"Oh? How many husbands have you had?" the interviewer inquired.
"This one will be my fourth," she replied.
"I was married in my 20s to a banker, then in my 40s to a circus performer. After that I married a preacher."
"What does your current husband do?"
"Oh, he's a funeral director."
The interviewer laughed and then asked how she came to marry these men from such different backgrounds and personalities.
"It always made sense to me," she replied. "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

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Message  gerardM le Dim 8 Mar - 10:02


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Message  gerardM le Dim 8 Mar - 10:19

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Message  gerardM le Dim 8 Mar - 18:13


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Message  gerardM le Dim 8 Mar - 18:30


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Message  gerardM le Dim 8 Mar - 19:19

A little boy comes down for breakfast and his mother asks if he had done his chores. “Not yet,” says the little boy.
His mother tells him that until he completes them, he won't be getting any breakfast.
Well, he's a little angry, so he goes to feed the chickens and kicks one. He goes to feed the cows, and kicks a cow as well. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. “How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.
“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk.”
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat half way across the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, “Are you going to tell him, or shall I?”

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PS: Pls note that I chose American English for my vocabulary, grammar, spelling, culture, etc.  :-)
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Message  MurielB le Dim 8 Mar - 21:35

gerardM a écrit:Hi Muriel,

Several things you might have missed:
- Huey, Dewey, and Louie are Donald Duck's nephews
- might be quite natural for ducks to play in puddles except that... we learn Puddles is in fact the female 3rd duck and being in and out of puddles gets a different meaning: I do hope Puddles had a wonderful day too with 2 lovers.
I reckon this story would be liked by kids.

In addition, "Had a ball" would make an American think of having sex.

So, in the first part of the story, a listener would think Huey and Dewey had an innocent and normal day when they state: had a ball, been in and out of puddles; with my explanations you now understand that they had a very special day.

Thanks a lot for explaining, Gérard !

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Message  gerardM le Dim 8 Mar - 23:35

You're welcome Muriel.

Something I've to add: the pronunciations of Huey, Dewey and Louie are similar (it's the magic of the story) - easy to guess the pronunciation of Louie, now use the same "-iui-" for the 2 others Huey (something like Ioui) & Dewey (something like Dou-oui or Doo-ee).

-> (I offer you here one and a half hours of their best cartoons)

-> Comments on the name Dewey

Now I wonder why Riri, Fifi and Loulou in French scratch

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Message  gerardM le Lun 9 Mar - 0:25

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Message  gerardM le Lun 9 Mar - 0:31


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Message  gerardM le Lun 9 Mar - 16:22


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Message  gerardM le Lun 9 Mar - 16:26


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Message  gerardM le Lun 9 Mar - 16:40

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Message  MurielB le Mar 10 Mar - 8:34

Gerard, I have just read that Riri Fifi and Loulou 's full names are "Richard, Firmin and Louis"

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Message  gerardM le Mar 10 Mar - 14:19

Good to know hey. Thanks Muriel. I'll try to use this in my conversations to come. Smile

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Message  gerardM le Mer 11 Mar - 19:14

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian."
He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Well, Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!'"

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Message  gerardM le Mer 11 Mar - 20:00


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Message  gerardM le Mer 11 Mar - 20:08


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_________________
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